SKINNYGIRLSWHOTHINKTHEYAREFAT.COM

Man Self-Esteem Issues for Once

SkinnyGirls — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:58:00 GMT

One step closer to men ogling their love handles in front of the mirror for hours . . .

-ArmFat

Daily Random Fat Pants Photo

SkinnyGirls — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 14:55:00 GMT

Good job to this guy!

-ArmFat

Weigh In Date: Biggest Loser Update

SkinnyGirls — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:13:00 GMT

Well, folks, today was weigh in. And bad news: I gained weight! My workout plan backfired horribly!

I am convinced now and it has done nothing but make me believe that working out is completely non-essential to weight loss. HOWEVER, I did invest all that JogTunes research and bought a package at the hot yoga studio, so I suppose I will continue the plan for another couple of weeks. Hopefully at the very least, even if my ass stays big, it will be a bit perkier.

I'll keep you all updated about the status of that goal and my many others . . .

-ArmFat

Daily Random Fat Pants Photo: thank you google

SkinnyGirls — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:03:00 GMT

JogTunes: The best invention for working out to music SINCE music

SkinnyGirls — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:13:00 GMT

According to Women's Health Magazine, you are more likely to workout when you have music available. Duh. I think I can safely say that all of us who have hopped on a treadmill can agree we enjoyed Lady Gaga far more than the monotonous rhythm of our feet plugging along.

However, to supplement this thought, the magazine introduced a new site that I think I just may try. JogTunes.com allows you to enter the beats per minute (BPM), a genre, and an artist (or any combination of these) and it will generate a list of songs you should download to match your workout goals! There's even an "Indie Music Search" if you are sick of Taylor and Rhianna.

If you already have a set playlist in mind, you can alsoenter a song title and artist and the site will tell you the BPMs youhave been pumping iron to all along! As for me, I have been rocking the119 BPM with Poker Face when I could have been Chasing Pavements with Adele at a BPM of 162.

I will be putting together a jog miss for my trip to the gym tonight. Weigh in is tomorrow and after a healthy dose of baguette last night, I need all the help I can get!

-ArmFat

Confessions of a Skinny Girl Who Thinks She’s Fat: I participate in the Biggest Loser

SkinnyGirls — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 19:58:00 GMT

I have previously complained to Love Handles about how my company does a company-wide version of "The Biggest Loser." It's the same principle, except everyone pays a $20 entrance fee and then the winner at the end of the 10-weeks period gets all the money. This has been going on here for about two years.

When I first heard about it, I was horrified. Who would possibly want to weigh themselves in a public forum comprised of all people you work with!?!? It's MAD. And beyond that, there is one person specifically set aside to watch you weigh yourself, record it and then secretly pass judgment while telling you that you can do better next week.

Well folks, something in me has changed; the time has come and I have joined the program. The money is incentive enough, but I didn't realize until I spent a night at a concert sipping water and passing on all offers of $2 PBRs that the streak of competition running through me is fierce. I am motivated by sheer, biting competition to annihilate all these lovely young women I stand in line with, waiting to get hearded into the "weigh in" room.

We are officially in our fifth week of the program; exactly half way. Staying true to my commit-to-something-for-a-week form, I lost six pounds in the first week and won the weekly weigh-in competition. I was euphoric. But since, I have bobbled up and down to pretty much remain the same since my weigh in that first week.

Here is my re-commitment that will hopefully surpass the one-week results I have become used to obtaining. I suppose this could begin to classify me as a yo-yo dieter, although usually I don't even make much of a net-loss from start to finish. My ultimate goal, aided by the provision of Hot Yoga Groupon this morning is to actually exercise.

Yes, I know it's crazy. To look toward making a healthy choice in the progress of weight loss rather than substituting a diet of raw foods or no carbs. I will let you know where this crazy journey takes me. Wish me luck, fellow dieters.

-ArmFat

Confessions: I Slept with Tucker Max . . . while eating a sandwich **

SkinnyGirls — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 22:14:00 GMT

I'm sure by now most have you have heard of Tucker Max, the brains and beauty behind the intelligent book and film I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Well, after reading the true account of Courtney A's experience with Tucker at LemonDrop.com recalling her bed room adventures with Tucker Max, I have been inspired to tell my story here.

It all started one cold night in Indiana when I decided I needed a #5 Vito from Jimmy John's. You know the one. Salami, Ham. Provolone. Delicious.

There I was, standing in line wearing my fat pants since I had already downed two Pumpkin Spice Lattes earlier in the day. As I am ordering my little slice of heaven from the counter attendant, in walks Tucker and entourage. It must have been the Giselle-like view of my hot behind (as described here) that provoked the one-liner he laid on me. I was hooked. He asked me to go home with him and I agreed. If my sandwich could come with.

Flash forward one delicious smelling cab ride later and we were back at his hotel. I couldn't wait to eat my sandwich. Tucker must have been in a hurry and had other plans. There was only one thing to do as he started kissing me and inching toward the couch. Make the grab now or regret it for the next seven minutes. It was on.

As we tumbled toward the pink scratchy couch pillows, I clutched the Jimmy John's bag tightly in my fingers. Kissing Tucker, I was able to tilt my head sideways to procure a view as I slowly opened the bag. I pulled out my sandwich and slowly pulled back the waxy paper. The sandwich appeared, ready to be bitten, just as Tucker started kissing my neck. This was it. My mouth was free.

Keeping one hand on the back of his head to ensure he wouldn't suddenly change locations, I took the first glorious bite. The salami seemed to melt in my mouth as the provolone stood sharply apart from the other greasy, spicy flavors. That's when Tucker went for the elastic waistband on my fat pants. What happened next was magical.

I bit into a pocket of capicola and onion and the flavors of the toasty bread, greasy meat and cold crisp cheese all blended together in my mouth. The net seven minutes were beautiful. Not too sure what Tucker was doing down there, but I enjoyed #5 Vito right down to the very last bite. I crumpled up the paper and tossed it behind the couch just in time and Tucker was none the wiser.

So in many respects, my interlude with Tucker was much more pleasant than Courtney A's. And it's all thanks to the joys of Italian deli meat.

- ArmFat

** Disclaimer: This confession may be slightly exaggerated or completely made up **

More to Love: Episode 1 Conclusions and Predictions

SkinnyGirls — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:18:00 GMT

I watched More to Love last night. I'm not particularly proud of this. Nor am I really all that proud of how excited I felt leading up to the show...all the same, I was pumped. I settled into my couch equipped with a dinner of cod w/salsa and peas and prepared to feel good about myself. Anddd then the show started and suddenly I was depressed...

First of all let me just say...this guy might be an enorm (ha!) creep. He kind of had me at first with his 'loving people for who they are' and 'liking curves'. But about 3 first meeting make outs and an overall feeling of creepiness later I have decided I just dont know about this one. I really WANT to believe someone like this guy exists, but I'm not sold.

These girls though...damn. Screw guys everywhere, right? These girls seem nice. NONE OF THEM have really been out on dates?! There are obviously some self esteem issues but it's not like they're fug. These girls are fat, obviously, or they wouldn't have been selected. But none of them were really like 'holy shit get them off of the television'. Tali is straight up gorgeous, let's be serious. All of them are basket cases ready to 'marry' this bro, although his is pretty typical to women on dating shows. I get that Melissa is only 21 and clearly has a lot of shit going on but stopppp cryinggggg. Suicide watch for that one once she inevitably gets the boot.

Finally, Fox has done it again. I'm going to watch this show at least once or twice more before quitting it (maybe), but it's pretty bad. Is it REALLY necessary for them to put the height and weight of every girl up while she's talking. I mean, give me a break. We get it, we're watching...they're big. Leave them be if you really just want to 'help them find love'. Also, if I had to choose between this show and the Bachelorette...sign me up for More to Love. This one looks way more fun. They got bombed AND got to eat meat skewers. I'm totally sold.

Early Predictions:

Lots of shots of these girls eating. Because...fat people...eat...
One of the skinnier ones--Tali or Arriane will be in the finale but lose to the bigger contestant because 'he doesn't see size'.
At some point Fox sends in a bunch of skinny girls, homeboy loves the attention but eventually sends them home because 'he likes curvy' girls.
Relationship absolutely doesn't work out after the show, he loses weight and dates a skinny girl who wants to be in the tabloids. Ends up as a Subway spokesperson because Jared is getting boring and irrelevant.
Jilted girl ends up on 'More to Love' looking for love from a man who likes BBW.

What did YOU think?

~Love Handles

Ice Cream Diet!!!

SkinnyGirls — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 16:13:00 GMT

I am patent-pending the 'ice cream diet'. You heard it here first. Last night I tried Edy's Slow Churned Take the Cake Ice Cream:

This ice cream is a taste explosion. I want to hug it. What are the stats on this delight? 120 cals for 1/2 a cup with 4 g of fat. There is even 3 grams of protein. And you're getting a little dairy in your diet. Some people say dairy helps you lose weight...I'm going to go with it for the purpose of my new magic diet. Here's the plan:

1/2 cup of ice cream, your choice must be under 120 calories for breakfast
1 small apple
1/2 cup of ice cream, your choice under 120 calories for lunch
1 cup of carrots
1/2 cup of ice cream, your choice, under 120 calories for dinner
1 4 oz breast of chicken

Voila! Do this exact plan without straying for 2 weeks and you will lose a dress-size. Results improved with exercise. You must follow the plan exactly.

Want to know how I know this is going to work without any kind of testing? Because, reduced calories = weight loss, no exceptions. I mentioned in an earlier post that the special K diet is just a reduced calorie diet...special K has nothing to do with anything except for clever marketing. Actually, with the exception of the low-carb diets, this is the formula for every diet of all time ever.

Sooooooo, ice cream diet? Who's with me?

UPDATE: This absurd diet ACTUALLY EXISTS. And almost exactly like my fake meal plan---just less ice cream...so less awesome. I feel validated.

~Love Handles

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The Flat Belly Diet: Myth or Fact

SkinnyGirls — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:29:00 GMT

A bunch of my friends at work are fans of the Flat Belly Diet.

I don't know much about it, except that I just sat across from my friend eating 4 ounces of turkey, a string cheese and an entire carton of grape tomatoes. Well, she couldn't quite handle ALL the grape tomatoes, but the book would have had her do it! I don't know how I feel about this diet except to say that I am intrigued.

Said friend has completed it before and lost 5 pounds, only 2 of which she gained back post-diet. She also said it made her feel great and actually WANTS to do it again, even though she has to eat all the grape tomatoes.

My only qualm with hopping on this band wagon is that to get here:

I have to give up:

And whether it means I am an alocholic or not, I'm just not willing to give it a go. Stay tuned to some low-carb waffling on my attempt to try or not try this one.

- ArmFat

Confessions of a Skinny Girl who Thinks She's Fat: Success breeds failure?

SkinnyGirls — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:00:00 GMT

I went to the doctor today and she told me I lost seven pounds since last year!

[Me on the beach last night]

Now, us Skinny Girls Who Think They Are Fat know how big of a deal this is. When you think you are fat, but are actually skinny, even two pounds is a significant amount of weight. So imagine my surprise when I didn't even realize it had been happening until she told me! I guess that's because I spread all seven of those little pounds out over twelve entire months. Not quite the three-day flat belly diet, but I'll take it.

My only worry now is that this small success could send me spiraling back down into the weight loss fixation vortex. It's been on the back burner for a while now (I'm sure you all noticed the lackadaisical blogging we've done these past few months . . .) but now that it has been brought to my attention, I fear the fixation may reignite.

It's like when you are on a diet and you lose the first three pounds and decide there's no harm in a celebratory brownie. Which turns into two brownies. Which turns into a pan of brownies. And then before you know it, you've gained five pounds and the original three you lost are buried under new layers of thigh and arm fat.

So while I suppose this kind of menial praise for seven pound weight loss is nice, it does shift my focus back to the fact that weight loss equals praise. And there I go again, back down the vortex. Maybe I can grab a scone to keep my company on the journey.

-ArmFat

Confessions of a Skinny Girl who Thinks She's Fat: I love carbs!

SkinnyGirls — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:43:00 GMT

Now that we are back, I want to jump right in with a resounding statement:

I do. I love them. And I always will. And no diet will tear me from the crunchy crunch of freshly toasted toast. Or the extra slurp it takes to down an all-white based spaghetti noodle.

Try and stop me.

-ArmFat

In the News: Get a 6 pack in 10 minutes!

SkinnyGirls — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 20:20:00 GMT

I love Self magazine, Glamour, Shape...I'm a sucker for hearing the same diet and fashion tips over and over and over. But, one thing is starting to get on my nerves. I hate all these covers advertising 1, 5 and 10 minute abs.

Really, Self? 1-minute abs...results guaranteed? Really? Don't get me wrong, maybe 1-minute abs are possible for perfect-bodied Anna Faris (who is awesome). For me though, they're just not in the cards. Nor are 10 minute or 5 minute abs. Because let's be real, in order to even SEE muscular abs you have to get rid of tummy fat. What these covers should really say is, "1 minute abs after you lost 30 pounds."

~Love Handles

Things I Want to Eat: Deep Fried Cadbury Cream Egg

SkinnyGirls — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:22:00 GMT

Why I want to eat this: Why wouldn't I want to eat this? Cadbury Cream Eggs are amazing. Deep fried with melty chocolate? Yes, please.

Why I won't eat this: There's no way this is 'diet friendly' and should probably never be eaten by anyone, ever. Additionally, it seems like these could only be available if you owned a deep fryer and were willing to experiment or were at a county fair. Owning a deep fryer would require me to make a lifelong commitment to being fat. "Deep fried broccoli...why not!?" Also, I try to avoid county fairs, as carnies are not for me.

Sadly, this delicious creation is not in my future.

~Love Handles

Annoying Stuff Fat People Do: Lose Weight Quickly

SkinnyGirls — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 23:35:00 GMT

Dieting is hard. It's specifically hard when you're healthy, but just want to lose some extra pounds. Fatties who want to lose weight only need to make small lifestyle changes to lose weight. Walk 3 blocks daily, only eat two cheeseburgers for dinner, etc. Participants on The Biggest Loser have lost 10-18 pounds per week!!! Losing 15 pounds would put me at my goal weight and it's going to take me easily 2 months, at least. Not because I'm not trying but because I have to try HARD to lose weight.

The only real thing that works for my motivation is seeing results. Chunks can see results almost immediately. For the skinny girl who thinks she's fat, this takes a while. Stick in there girls and tough it out, the alternative is horrifying...and bikini season is right around the corner.

~Love Handles

Confessions of a Skinny Girl Who Thinks She’s Fat: I don't care what Miss Any-State has to say!

SkinnyGirls — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:34:00 GMT

Why does everyone care what Miss California has to say? The Miss America pageant is a ridiculous and antiquated form of measuring the worth and intelligence of American women. These girls spend their whole lives perfecting their faces, bodies, smiles, and pageant walks to make it to that stage. How does that qualify them to answer the tough questions about our country?

It doesn't.

If anything, we should be examining this commentary as a means of giving a voice to the less educated public. The type of public who spends more time picking out mascara than reading a newspaper.Perez had a fabulous point in his rebuttal to Miss California's response. In a video blog entry, he says

"This is how a person with half a brain answers the question I posed her . . . 'Hm, Perez, that's a great question. That's a very hot topic in our country right now. And I think that is a question that each state should decide for themselves because that's how our forefathers designed our government.'"

I am not here to support the federalist notion of the comment, but I do agree that there are a thousand more diplomatic ways to answer that question than just to state one belief to blanket the entire issue.

Miss America is a beauty pageant. It measure who the most beautiful woman in America are. All the other categories are bullshit. Let's call a spade a spade here, people. In no contest can you have a bikini competition and then a Q-and-A period and tell me they are selecting the most intelligent competitor.

Perez ended his rant by exclaiming:

"[Miss America] unites. She inspires. I am so disappointed in Miss California representing my country."

Of course it's a disappointment! Somewhere in the past 50 years of reform, we let this archaic pageant slip by as a means for evaluating and judging the woman whom we honor with the title of MISS AMERICA. And when a woman who carries the name of our country earns that title by looking hot in a bikini, what stock can we put in her comments on the status of any major issue in our government.

-ArmFat

In the News: Kim Kardashian is plus sized??

SkinnyGirls — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:53:00 GMT

Us weekly made a little mistake in their promotion of Forever 21's new plus sized clothing line, suggesting that Kim Kardashian is one of the celebrities who would benefit from the clothes in this line.

Kim is plus sized?

Well, Miss Kardashian isn't taking it lying down. She hit the internet hard, blogging on her website about working hard for her curves, while remaining a SIZE 2.

From her post:

"I feel that this clipping from Us Magazine is a bit misleading, so I wanted to comment on it.

I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I'm very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a "fuller-figured woman" of extra large proportions is a little offensive.

For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL."

If I had that bod, I think I would let it speak for itself. Her need to proclaim that she is a 2 and not a 2 XL seems over the top and damaging to women who are a 2 XL. We can all see you are hot, Kim, no need to rub it in our faces.

Besides which, as I previously mentioned, there is a good chance that Miss Kardashian, myself, and 95% of the female population WILL have to shop Forever 21's plus sized line since their regular sizes are made to fit thirteen year old anorexic school girls.

- ArmFat

Annoying Things Skinny People Do: The Miss America Edition

SkinnyGirls — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:30:00 GMT

This post is in tribute to last night’s Miss America Pageant. Congratulations to Miss North Carolina, Kristin Dalton, who took home the crown. As an American woman, I really feel like I can relate to her and that she represents me well.

How dated is this competition? I kind of can’t believe it still exists. Women parading around in bikinis and evening gowns and being “judged”. I mean, come on, this is owned by serial womanizer DONALD TRUMP. It’s interesting , the Miss America pageant, because the American girl is a size 10 or 12 and these participants are 0 or 2s. Headlines are claiming that the Miss America ‘defines beauty’.

I get it that people don’t want to parade normal people around, because that’s no fun in a bikini. How realistic is it to look like this girl? In my dreams maybe but realistically no. Maybe name the pageant Miss Skinny America or Miss Hot America?

~Love Handles

Celebrity Baby Watch: Ellen Pompeo

SkinnyGirls — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:28:00 GMT

Thanks to Perez Hilton for pointing out one of our favorite tiny stars is PREGO.

Being the infamous celebrity dieter Ellen is, it should be an interesting study of Love Handles previous observation in tracking the progress of this baby bump. Let the judgement and unflattering double chin photos commence.

-ArmFat

Diet Secrets: You can burn a lot of calories while DOING IT!

SkinnyGirls — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 19:25:00 GMT

Apparently, Calorie Lab has a sense of humor. They have put together a series of graphs, such as the ones seen below, to estimate the amount of calories burned during various sexual activities performed in various locations with various other “add-ons”.

According to a more conventional calculation on another health website, the average 150 pound woman burns 144 calories during 30 minutes of sex.

That will do, but if there’s any truth to the calorie lab site, I’ll be sticking to doing it like it is a major emergency during July 4th fireworks in a hammock while listening to Motown and then shouting about it from the rooftops. And the Fourth of July is right around the corner, so why not give it a try!

-ArmFat